lolz

at me not using xanga this entire school year

i'm going to taiwan on friday for two and half weeks, it should be awesome fun time

i went shopping and i studied with allison today, she's my best friend i miss her

i wish certain people would stop being emotional little babies and just talk to me.  I'm your friend, and i always have been, you can talk to me...or not. I guess i don't care if you don't

sometimes i think about college and how much it costs and how lost i am and how i still really don't know what i want to do and whenever i do think about all of those things, i just want to get on a train to like chicago, or atlanta, or maybe new york and live as a bohemian that works in some pawn shop run by a neurotic minority-figure and share a tiny little flat with like 3 other people who are always strung out and who are just as lost as me.

but that's just being silly

right?

PESH

is everything i thought it would be and more

...more TERRIFYING

i find myself slipping into old habits i swore i wouldn't fall into again

like...procrastination...BIG TIME

i miss band...a lot.  I see them practicing every day after school, and i remember everything that i gave up. it's disenheartening, but so far, TMS has been pretty rad

we took our head shots the other day, we got to miss school

so in psychology, i sit behind a GREEK GOD

his name is...not important

but i found out he smokes, and my attraction for him plummeted exponentially

in english we took an AP diagnostic test, just to see where we were and everything.  I got the highest grade in the class, which was only a 78...my best friend got a 10

it's time like that when i second guess my actions, but it's too late to change them that i start to feel bad about myself

lunch has been frightening, i've almost gotten run over several times, i just go to lite wok, with some people, it's close and we're too afraid to go anywhere else

in all my classes everyone is totally segregated, clark kids, williams kid, seniors...

i hope that changes

i want to become friends with people i haven't seen in a while again.  that would be swell

in my house it smells like wet dog food

i don't know what to do

i think i have to quite band for TMS

i feel really bad about it too, because they've been trying really hard to compensate for me, giving me all these options but mrs. hale is just "all or nothing" she won't even let me be in the plays just because i have sectionals once a week and every once in a while i wouldn't be able to make rehearsals...

at least band TRIED

i can't make a decision that will make everyone happy

i don't even think i can make a decision that will make ME happy, at least not entirely...

i just can't help thinking i will never get the PESH band experience...clark was great...for the most part, buti just want to at least try it you know? but i can't because they're not allowed to give me PE credit since i won't be making a lot of the afternoon rehearsals and i don't have room for PE anywhere else in my schedule PLUS TMS is a double blocked class and one of the periods is seventh, during the percussion class

i know i don't want to quite music, i may just have to quite BAND...does anyone know of any out of school music related organizations?

i already tried the greater dallas youth orchestra (GDYO) but all of their rehearsals are during church...and i can't really just not go to church ever again...

i also can't help thinking maybe my life will be easier without band, but i know it won't...

-----

i'm already thinking of myself as a junior, we're entering the last 6 weeks, and i have no motivation whatsoever to finish this one out, i'll get by, maybe not fantastically, but i really don't feel like exerting any effort

i'm not even thinking about clark, just pesh all the time...it's kind of weird...

Currently Listening Mezmerize By System of a Down B.Y.O.B. see related

Mexico Mission Trip

changed my life

it was so amazing, we went to one of these fishing villages carrying these care packages and blankets and stuff, and all these kids just swarmed out of nowhere and were laughing and they helped us carry them over there and it was just so cool, because we were total strangers, we looked strange, they had no idea what we were there for, and they just helped, no reason, whatsoever, it was just a really cool thing

and we saw dolphins, i thought of britni

i also got hit on along with ashley brittany and emily by a bunch of college aged mexicans, we were like "mui caliente" and they said something, and emily translated it as "well, go swimming" and we were like "no, cause we don't have bathing suits on" and they were like "just take off your clothes and go swim then..." 0_0 kind of disturbing

but this one guy ricardo wanted to give something back to us, and he had these little conk shells, and he sanded them on the cement till it was just a sliver of it, and put it on a necklace, i was like awwww

andy and the rest of the leonards kept tickling me... poo heads

but it was still an awesome experience, and i got a wicked tan....

Currently Listening Zombies! Aliens! Vampires! Dinosaurs! By Hellogoodbye see related

so....

I feel like i'm the section leader on the oustide, and i know in some ways, cory is more section leader than me, and i know mr. ward probably only made me section leader cause he knew i wouldn't fail any classes, cause i do know cory is better than me...It's just when...i don't even know how to voice it...I don't resent cory for being better than me, in fact, i'm grateful that he's always ahead of me, and knows what he's doing, so i can ask him stuff, so idk

drumline competition TOMORROW....oh shit

hmmm i wonder about him sometimes...

i worry about (a different) him sometimes

(another him) he's nice but weird, it could never work

GREY'S ANATOMY SEASON PREMIER WAS LAST NIGHT!!! AHHH

but lindsey taped it, so it's all good, and i can watch it l8r

ohh!! the game was last night, i still have glitter on my face that wouldn't come off, we played alright...bowman and armstrong were there, and they made fun of us the entire time

i was about to strangle me some midget

"Hmm, i rate your butt a 7 out of 10"

"Dut Dut Dut Dut Shut Up Do Min Ique"

"Dut Dut DUUUUUUU"

haha drumline kids make me laugh

i LIVE for moments like that

last night we went to steak n shake, it was alright....not the best...we had fun, not as much as last time though...